The Songs of Christmas
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: Cheerfully warping the Christmas tradition with parodies like John Got Run Over by a Reindeer.


_Disclaimer: I don't own the Justice League or any of the songs/poems that I parodied._

**The Songs of Christmas**

_Cheerfully warping the Christmas tradition._

Welcome my friends to the halls of the Watch Tower, where many a song has been sung by our favorite Leaguers. Feel free to sing a long as our favorite heroes express their festive holiday spirit!

**John Got Run Over by a Reindeer  
**_(The brainchild of Wally West and Dick Grayson.)_

_Chorus  
_John got run over by a reindeer  
Going home from the Tower Christmas Eve  
Now Bruce always said there's no such thing as Santa  
But as for me and Shayera we believe.

He'd been drinking too much egg nog  
We had begged him not to go  
But the ex-Marine was too damned stubborn  
So he stumbled out into the snow.

When they found him Christmas mornin'  
At the scene of the attack  
There were hoofprints on his forehead  
And incriminatin' Clause marks on his back.

John got run over by a reindeer  
Going home from the Tower Christmas Eve  
Now Bruce always said there's no such thing as Santa  
But as for me and Shayera we believe.

Now we're all so proud of Shayera  
She's been takin' this rather well  
Yesterday she hunted down dear old Santa  
And threw his reindeer into reindeer Hell.

It's just not Christmas without Johnny  
All the League's been dressed in black  
And we just can't help but wonder  
Should we open his gifts or send them back.

John got run over by a reindeer  
We had begged him not to go  
Now Bruce always said there's no Santa  
But as for me and Shayera we believe.

Now the Feds are after Shayera  
And all the little elf men stalk her too  
Seems there's a law against killing Santa  
She'll have to deliver his presents Christmas through.

I've warned all my friends and neighbors  
Better watch out for yourselves  
There's this mad winged woman  
Delivering presents Christmas Eve.

John got run over by a reindeer  
We had begged him not to go  
Now Bruce always said there's no Santa  
But as for me and Shayera we believe.

**Jingle Bells  
**_(Origin unknown, but Kara Kent and Barbara Gordon are strongly suspected.)_

Jingle Bells, Mistletoe smells  
The Justice League needs a raise  
Superman's mad because he lost his cape  
And Lois won't come to play, hey!

**Deck the Hall  
**_(Composed by various former members of the Teen Titans.)_

Deck the hall with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. Diana looks mad so we'd better be jolly. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Hide we now Clark's favorite sweater. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Oliver has lost another arrow. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Shayera left a yuletide feather. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Bruce is on the prowl so we'd better be careful. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Steal some more of J'onn J'onzz's oreos. Fa la la la la, la la la la. While we tell of Dinah's secrets. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away the old year passes. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Hail ye us, we former Titans. Fa la la la la, la la la la. So many tricks to pull before New Year's Eve. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Run we now from Raven's wrath. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

**Jolly Old St. Nicholas  
**_(As sung by Wally.)_

Jolly old St. Nicholas, lend your ear this way. Don't you tell a single soul what I'm going to say. Christmas Eve is coming soon, now you dear old man. Whisper what you'll bring to me, or J'onn will tell me if you can't.

When the clock is striking twelve, when I pretend to sleep, down the Watch Tower hallway bright, with your pack you'll creep. All the stockings you will find hanging in a row, mine will be the largest one, you'll be sure to know.

Green Arrow wants a new bow, Wondy wants a Bat, Question needs a sanity check, his conspiracies really need to go. Now I think I'll leave to you what to give the rest. But choose for Batman, dear Santa Claus, a lump of coal quite thick.

**Terry's Twelve Days of Christmas  
**_(Terry McGinnis's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.)_

On the first day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: And an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the second day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the third day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me Three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the fourth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the fifth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the sixth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Six **CRAZY** Amazons _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the seventh day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the eighth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the ninth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the tenth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Eleven suicide missions, ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

On the twelfth day of Christmas the Justice League unfortunately gave to me: Twelve lectures from Clark., eleven suicide missions, ten nasty bruises, nine villains fighting, eight angry aliens, seven beatings from Bruce, six **CRAZY** Amazons. _Five broken bones! _Four skipped meals, three dumb probations, two stupid Jokers and an angry girlfriend on the phone.

**The Night Before Christmas  
**_(Narrated by an unknown Injustice League member.)_

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the earth  
Not a crook was stirring, not even in mirth.  
The guards were posted through out the compound with care  
In hopes that the Justice League would not soon be there.  
The villains were nestled, all snug in their beds  
While visions of super riches danced through their heads.  
And Luthor in his suit and I in my cap  
Had just settled down for a short winter's nap.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter  
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.  
Away to the computer I flew like the Flash  
Turned on the security measures and awakened the staff.  
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow  
Gave a luster of midday to objects below.  
When what to my horrified eyes should appear  
But a green skinned Martian and five unwelcome heroes.

There ran an arrogant twit, so lively and quick  
I knew in a moment that it must be the Flash.  
More rapid than eagles his feet they came  
And he whistled, and shouted, and sang on the way.  
"Now Grundy, now Ivy, now Humanite, now Penguin!  
On Grodd, on Two Face, on Bizarro, on Luthor!  
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall!  
They're dashing away, dashing away, dashing away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly  
Did we meet with another obstacle, found in the sky.  
So up to our weapons the hired hands flew  
With a car full of illegal toys and Mr. Luthor too.  
And then a pounding I heard from the car roof above  
The ripping and screeching of an Amazon's clawed nail.  
As I drew in my head and bolted out  
Down the sky Wonder Woman came with a bound.

She was dressed in a bathing suit, twirling a whip  
And her bracelets were all shiny and deadly and quick.  
A heavy rock she had flung to her back  
And she looked like a madwoman ready to smash open my back.  
Her eyes how they twinkled! Her dimples, how merry!  
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose royal and airy.  
Her sharp little nose was drawn up in a smirk  
As she threw me around, like a batarang ready to hurt.

The pain of a mace the other held tight in her fist  
And the wings, they encircled her like an unholy witch  
She had a stern face and angry green eyes  
That glared, when she yelled, like rolling flash thunder.  
She was lean and muscled-a right jolly mean bird  
And I howled when I saw her, in spite of myself.  
A wink of her eye, and a twist of her head  
Soon made me realize that I had plenty to dread.

He spoke not a word, the Martian went straight to his work  
And directed the Leaguers, then turned with a jerk.  
And disappearing ahead of my sudden angry fist  
And with a surprise hit, up in the air I went.  
Then _He_ came, the worst of them all  
And away we all fled, right into Green Lantern's shield  
Then I heard Superman exclaim, ere he flew out of sight  
"Merry Christmas to all and have a good prison night!"


End file.
